Your Happiness is Your Own Responsibility: Learn How to Obtain It

Your happiness is your own responsibility. Don’t rely on anyone else to achieve it.

[bctt tweet=”You are the only person who can make the necessary changes in your life to live a happy and fulfilling existence.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

This is perhaps the most important realisation that you need to make in order to achieve happiness in life and in yourself. If you are relying on a person, environment, job, or situation to achieve happiness then you will likely never achieve it.

This post will show you how to obtain happiness without relying on anyone else. Taking these steps towards happiness will allow you to foster and grow as an individual. It will enable you to live a more purposeful and fulfilling life. And it will welcome more intimate and positive relationships into your life while also providing you with greater job and career satisfaction.

Happiness Starts With You

Being happy is a state of mind, and one that starts with you.

It is not just the people you are with, or the situation you are in that dictates your happiness. It is the way you process and think about those experiences and relationships. It is all about perception; the way you perceive a situation.

Another person, place or moment is not responsible for this, nor can they change your perception for you.  You can’t hold them accountable or expect them to fix this for you. If you do then you will never feel happy or content in life.

Don’t Try to Find Someone who Makes You Happy

Achieving satisfaction and happiness in life is not about whether a person or career makes you happy. There is a quote that often floats around on social media “Find someone who makes you happy”. There is so much wrong with this sentiment! You don’t need to find someone else to make you happy. You need to be content with yourself first, and only then should you be seeking out someone else to share in that happiness with. Don’t just long for someone else to provide that for you.

[bctt tweet=”Living a happy and fulfilling life is about you being happy with yourself and your own life and choices.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

Once you have achieved this, you can then properly determine whether the person you are with or the situation you are in is truly conducive to your happiness.

Don’t Put All of Your Eggs in One Basket

Another person cannot be the sole reason for happiness and purpose in your life. That is too much pressure for one person, situation, or career. You can’t place such a grave responsibility on someone or something else. It is an unachievable expectation that will leave you disappointed and frustrated. And once you realise this, you are almost half way there.

Face the Hard Truths

There are some brutally hard truths in this article that might make you uncomfortable to think about. But that’s a good thing. Change is uncomfortable and if you are here, reading this, then you are hoping to make some drastic changes to your life to achieve happiness and purpose. I’ve done it, and I can tell you now, from the other side, that it was completely worth the discomfort.

So don’t be afraid to take a long, hard look at yourself and use this guide to assist you in achieving your goals and purpose in life.

Introspection

The first step to achieving happiness within yourself, is introspection.

If you are unhappy with your current situation, whatever it may be, you need to first look at what you are doing to achieve your own happiness instead of automatically blaming someone or something else. You are not alone in this thought pattern. It is human nature, and I have certainly been guilty of this on way more occasions than I would like to admit.

You first need to consider why you feel like someone else is responsible for your happiness. Then try to think about where that expectation has stemmed from. Just let that settle in. The more you think about it, the more you will realise how much of a flawed thought process it is.

[bctt tweet=”Why should someone else be responsible for whether or not you are enjoying life? ” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

You then need to work out what you are doing to actively influence and impact on your own happiness and how you can improve on this.

Being happy is about how your thought process leads you in either a positive or negative direction about an experience or person. It is about whether you have a clear idea of what actually makes you happy in life. And finally, whether you are actively pursuing these things.

You have to ask yourself: –

1. Do you know what actually provides you happiness?

2. Are you actively making decisions and choices to foster your own happiness

If the answer to either of these questions is no, then you really shouldn’t be directing your frustrations at a partner or a job for causing you disappointment in life.

[bctt tweet=”It’s human nature to avoid self reflection, because it is much easier to deflect onto someone else.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

I know this to be true, and on such a deep and personal level. I have been a massive offender with regards to this behaviour in the past. This means that I know how toxic it can be and how significantly it can destroy your life. But it also means that I know how beneficial it can be to change these behaviours and thought processes.

Change the Way You Think

So how do you change your thought process?

You need to look at why you are frustrated or unhappy. Take a step back, and critically analyse the situation, your feelings surrounding it, and what it is that frustrates you so much about it.

Let’s use your career or current working situation as an example. The next time you are complaining at work that you hate your job, you need to take a long hard look at why you hate your job so much.

If you do this in a very serious and pro-active way then you will likely come to one of two conclusions: –

1. What you are currently doing is not the type of work or lifestyle you want.

You might realise that you are frustrated and disappointed in your current career choice and lifestyle because it is not in line with what you actually want from life. You may realise that you need to make some drastic changes to your current situation to make your career path supportive of your life goals.

This is a beneficial realisation to come to, and can be the beginning of a much larger overhaul of your entire way of life. This is the realisation I came to a long time ago and since acting upon it, my life has done nothing but change for the better.

2. Your current career or lifestyle is not the problem; your mindset is.

But perhaps you may realise in this analysis that the job or work you are doing isn’t actually the problem. You may find that the problem is your mentality and state of mind. You can make as many literal changes to your life as you want, but if the problem is with how you are perceiving your situation, then you will always feel those same frustrations no matter how many times you change careers or relationships.

If you start your day already thinking you hate what you do, then it is going to be very hard to recover from that mindset. How could you possibly enjoy something if you have already convinced yourself how much you loathe it and how awful, tiring and horrible it is?

The Same Goes for a Relationship

If you constantly focus on all the reasons your partner is frustrating you or failing you, then you are not giving yourself the opportunity to be impressed or surprised by that person. You aren’t allowing them the opportunity to meet your expectations or to even really be the person you want them to be. It will eventually make it impossible for either of you to love each other. Having a pre-determined attitude toward a person or situation limits your ability to achieve happiness with that person or experience.

Reshaping Your Thoughts To Achieve Happiness

You need to focus on reshaping your thought process. And don’t be alarmed if this doesn’t happen overnight. It can be a long, but worthwhile process.

To become more optimistic and open minded, you need to focus on mindfulness and gratitude.

Make an effort to work out all of the parts of your job or relationship that you enjoy and love. No matter what it is in life, there is almost always a positive portion to it. And for the parts that are genuinely causing you dissatisfaction, try to work out how you can improve them instead of simply complaining about them.

[bctt tweet=”You can’t expect a problem to resolve itself if you don’t make a conscious effort to fix it.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

This may mean actively making changes in that environment or expressing yourself and your concerns to the people involved so that necessary changes can come to fruition. It may also mean that you realise you were part of the problem in the first place and that there are steps you need to take personally to resolve your own frustrations.

Becoming a Whole Person

Failed Relationships and Working Careers

If you constantly find yourself in relationships where you are unhappy or feel as though your partner is not living up to your expectations, then the problem may actually be in your own mind.

You are likely frustrated because you have invested your goals, dreams and intentions into a person and in the process, have not focused on your own state of mind and life goals. You may have put all of your eggs in one basket; in a person or a career, and have not realised, or forgotten that neither of these things add up to a whole person living a purposeful and rewarding life.

I know, I have been there. I have had these overwhelming thoughts many times. And I have certainly lost myself in a relationship before.

Just the act of loving someone or working in your desired industry won’t be enough to make you happy. We, as humans, need more than that to feel fulfilled and content with life.

Become a Whole Person

So the next step to reaching happiness within yourself is to become a whole person.

In order to do that, you need to work out what your own individual hopes and dreams are and then you need to start prioritising them.

What makes you happy? What are you passionate about? If there was anything in life you could do, what would it be? And if you were to die tomorrow, what would you be most upset about not having tried or achieved?

This was a vital step that I took in my personal growth journey to leave the very lost, confused and frustrated person I used to be behind for good.

[bctt tweet=”You need to be a whole person outside of your job and your relationship first before you expect either of those situations to provide you with any happiness.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

You need to know who you are and what you want in life.

Failing this, you at least need to have the intention to find this out and the will power to set out on a journey to discover it. You don’t necessarily need to quit your job or start over in a new relationship.

[bctt tweet=”You need to embark on a journey of self-discovery and development, to work out what it is that fulfils you as your own individual person.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

And you need to ensure you make that mission a priority in your life.

Once you have your own state of mind cemented, you will be able to determine whether a person, or career is negatively impacting on your ability to achieve happiness in life. With a clear mind and path ahead, it will become suddenly apparent if you are being restricted from living a happy, positive and purposeful life by being in that relationship or workplace.

How To Become a Whole Person

So if you are excited by the idea of becoming a whole person, but have no idea how to formulate a plan of attack, why not try some of these approaches?

Expand Your Horizons

Make the effort to develop your skillsets. Write a list of every skill you wish you ever had, or have ever even considered learning and then start branching out. Have you always wanted to play an instrument? Maybe you wish you had learned to draw at some point? Or perhaps you have always been intrigued by languages, web development or athletics? If you are even slightly interested in learning a new skill, there should be nothing stopping you from pursuing it.

Build Your Goals and Aspirations

This is a hugely important step. You really do need to focus on building your own goals and  aspirations in order to become a whole person, and to be happy.

If you have never formulated a set of goals for yourself then you are really missing out. And I don’t mean basic career path goals, or a life plan that looks like a cookie-cutter checklist.

[bctt tweet=”I am talking about enormous, life-changing, ground-breaking goals.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

Go absolutely nuts! Write down every possible dream or aspiration you might have ever had, or want to have. They don’t even have to be realistic. Once you start writing, you may find that you have a lot more hopes and dreams than you ever thought possible. And you might also realise just how achievable some of them might actually be, and how badly you want them.

Once you go through this process, you will feel like you have a lot more direction. You might also find that you are more driven, and that you have the motivation to start making positive changes to your life and your mindset.

Fill Your Life with Experiences that Make You Happy

Fill your life with the activities, people, and experiences that foster true happiness for you. If it brings you pure joy then it needs to be a pillar of your life.

If you started expanding your skill set and then realised that one of those new hobbies made you feel more alive then you ever had, then make sure you prioritise it. If you absolutely love something deep to your core, then stop making excuses for why you can’t do it.

Start joining groups with other like minded people so that you are surround by the right kind of energy and motivation. Start saying yes to more positive things in your life that bring you happiness. Don’t be afraid of chasing after the things in life that make you happy.

Become More Self Aware

Make the effort to be more conscious of your thought process and mindfulness. Do this on a daily basis and focus on bettering these. Take the time to stop and think about why you are reacting a certain way to a person or situation. Take a moment to reframe your thoughts and approach a situation with a more positive, and more productive mindset. Whether you do this mentally, with a pen and paper, or have to say it out loud — it doesn’t matter, as long as you do it.

Also try to become better at listening to yourself. Listen to that little voice in the back of your head, your inner child, and that “dream brain” when it tries to tell you how badly you want something, or how bad something is for you. You know deep down when something is or isn’t good for you, but often we ignore the signs. We often pass up on the greatest opportunities because we aren’t very good at listening to ourselves.

Focus on Your Health and Wellbeing

Focus on maintaining your health and wellbeing. And I’m not talking about losing weight and toning up so you can impress someone else or fit into some sort of societal expectation. Physical activity and healthy food can do absolute wonders for your mental health and allow you to be in a more positive and productive state of mind.

Start doing activities that bring you peace, serenity and foster positivity and creativity within your mind. Don’t look at it as a way to lose weight, but as a way to calm your mind, to become healthier, fitter and more energised so that you can chase your dreams more efficiently. Changing your mindset about health and wellness may actually cause you to become addicted to an activity, sport or ritual you never even knew you loved. Which in turn will help you on your quest for happiness.

Be a More Considerate Person

While this is a little off topic, it is still an important consideration to have when trying to become a whole and happy person.

In all of this, try to be more considerate of other people’s feelings and opinions. It can be all too easy to forget that we are all on this planet together.

[bctt tweet=”If we all spent a little more time trying to understand each other, we would all be a lot happier in ourselves and with one another.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

You may find that you connect with people on a deeper level and that your positive and encouraging support network will grow. And that can only be a good thing.

What do They Have in Common?

What do all of these ideas have in common? They are all excellent ways to work towards achieving happiness, that don’t involve anyone but yourself. And this is why your happiness is your own responsibility. No-one else will ever be better at achieving happiness within your own mind than you will be. And no-one else can do it for you.

If you focus on all of these, or even just a small handful of them, then you will be on track to becoming a whole and happy person. You will then be able to foster and grow more meaningful and positive relationships, careers goals, and friendships.

But if you continue to rely solely on your partner, family, job or friends to achieve the above then you will never achieve happiness. Being happy can be hard work, but is endlessly rewarding. Trust me on this, your happiness is worth the effort.

False Mindsets 

Another dangerous trap is having a false mindset. One of the most common, and detrimental, is believing that someone is “lucky” to be a happy person, or that they are “lucky” to be living a positive and driven life.

I used to think like this. I often found myself unhealthily jealous of how seemingly easy it was for other people to be happy. Especially while I was struggling so desperately to find satisfaction in my life, relationships and career. The reality is though, a happy person isn’t just happy simply because they are, no matter how effortless they make it seem.

While there are some people who might have a happier base line, maintaining happiness in life and then in a relationship, a job and in friendships takes time, energy and effort on your own behalf. It is about  achieving that mindset, building a life you are excited to be living and becoming a better version of yourself. You can’t just expect to exist in a state of positivity, contentment and awe without putting in any effort to create the life you want to live.

The world can’t guarantee you happiness. That is something you have to go out and find on your own. So don’t fall into the trap of false mindsets. No one is responsible for your happiness but you. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you will achieve happiness.

Prioritise Happiness

Take Pro-active Steps Towards Achieving Happiness

Another key step to achieving happiness is prioritising your happiness and what you want most in life.

If you have gone through the process of working out what it is you value most, what truly makes you happy and what your long-term, larger than life goals and dreams are, then you need to make sure you follow through on them.

This was one of the number one changes I made in my life to achieve my current state of happiness.

Focus on Your Own Goals a Little More

You don’t have to be selfish, nor should you be. But you do need to focus a little more on yourself and your own goals and dreams in order to achieve true happiness in your life. You need to spend more time building your aspirations and concentrating on improving your mindfulness and mental state. You should take the time to do the things in life you enjoy most, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.

Say No to Negative Obligations

And you also need to say no to the things in life that negatively impact on your happiness.

You need to stop doing things purely out of obligation. There is no point pursuing something that you don’t want to do, or in making time for someone who is bad for you. By doing this, you are detracting from the amount of time and energy you can put towards the positive influences and focuses of your life.

While there are some obligations we can’t avoid, there are plenty that we can. Take a moment to think about that and work out what those obligations are that you can start saying no to. And then make the most of the new found mental space and physical time that you have as a result.

Follow Your Passions

There is also no point in letting your dreams go to the grave with you. Follow your passions now. Don’t wait. And if you don’t know what you passions are yet, go out and find them.

Make the effort to discover yourself and what you want from life. Explore what it means to be alive. Live with purpose. Love with passion.

[bctt tweet=”Make happiness as important as food and water.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

This is how you truly become a happy person. It is exactly what I have done to achieve the state of happiness I am currently in and there is nothing stopping you from achieving it too.

Happiness Is Achievable 

All of this may make achieving happiness sound difficult, but it is not impossible.

[bctt tweet=”The best things in life are not necessarily the easiest to obtain.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

Usually the greatest moments, achievements, and experiences are the ones that take the most energy. They are the ones we work towards, strive for, and aim to achieve. They require us to work hard over long periods of time. They may even take years to come to fruition. But they also have lasting impacts on our lives and are worth the fight.

Take a moment to reflect on the aspects of your life that currently give you true happiness. Think about how you achieved those pillars in your life and how much work you put into them. They may not have been something you were actively thinking about or working towards, but analysing them retrospectively  should give you an indication of how hard work can pay off in the end. So don’t be disheartened by the path ahead. The view at the end of the path is almost always worth the climb, no matter how tough.

It Goes Both Ways

All of this advice also goes both ways. Your partner, friend or family member is just as responsible for their own happiness as you are for yours. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like it is your fault they are not living a fulfilling or satisfying life. There are ways in which we can help, support and encourage our loved ones to achieve their dreams, but it is not your responsibility to ensure they do. Their happiness is their responsibility.

If anyone in your life is blaming you for their lack of satisfaction with life then maybe they need to take a read of some of these lessons too. I actually really love this video from Will Smith. He talks about why he is not responsible for his wife’s happiness and it is just so damn accurate. It is a good lesson in life, love and happiness and is exactly the point I am trying to make.

Seek Out Happiness Now

So in this call to action, I want you to stop taking your life for granted. Stop living complacently.

[bctt tweet=”Stop relying on others to find your happiness in life.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

I can guarantee that you will never be happy with your relationships, jobs or experiences if you live a passive life and depend on others to complete your big picture. If you don’t take active steps towards living the life you want, then you will constantly feel frustrated, or worse, indifferent with how your life has progressed. Either option is not living. And neither constitute the kind happiness that will set your soul on fire. Living a life without happiness is a life wasted. You need to make sure you are living your best possible life.

The only person responsible for your happiness is you. And the only person who can make the necessary changes to achieve that happiness, is you!

[bctt tweet=”Take the time to prioritise and own your happiness.” username=”@gseekingpurpose”]

Make it yours and live a happy and fulfilling life.

--Girl Seeking Purpose